Surviving Emotional Abuse

Mr Perfect 

I went to an annual event in Durban (South Africa) many years ago. It was an opportunity for me to dress up, clear my head and meet new people.  This man approached me, I just told him that let's rather meet up when we are back in Gauteng. Date number one happened and all went pretty well.  

I asked for time as we were arranging my sister's wedding and I wanted to give my sister all the support she needed.  The request was granted however we would talk on the phone and have random dates.  As time progressed we agreed that we are going to give love a try.  This man did everything in a perfect way,  my friends and I were convinced that he is the one.

Crazy Habits  

Two months down the line I started noticing behavioral changes in this man but I tried to convince myself that it's a passing stage all will go back to normal very soon because I was madly in love.  He would accuse me for doing wrong things at work because I dressed up in suits as a Committee Secretary.  I was not allowed to spend time with my family members during weekends, even going to church became challenging.

The stalking habit grew as he would always call to find out where I am and make his way there.  I would leave after telling him where I was just to retaliate and spite him and I would always get a tongue lash for it.

Walking away 

I knew it was time to walk away because he would always insult me and tell me who is going to love me with this albinism of mine, my confidence levels sunk and self doubt stated rising.  I asked one of my police sisters to call him and inform him that the treatment he is giving me can result into an offense.  He insulted her and told her that he is not scared at all.  She gave me feedback and asked me to leave while I still have the chance to leave.

Death threats became a norm. At points he said if he can't have me, then nobody is going to have me. I would normally find him at the main gate of where I lived on random days, with this I decided to move to another town for my safety.

Kindness To Self

We all know how love and respect should feel as human beings in a relationship. If at some point you feel disrespected, unloved and rejected, please gather courage to leave as staying in a toxic relationship may have dire consequences to ones life.  If you are comfortable seek professional help as therapy helped me deal with all that trauma.

Gratitude Note 

Thank you so much for taking your time to read. I cannot wait to share further exciting experiences with you.  Please kindly share this post with as many people as you can as it will help me reach out to the world.

Please feel free to contact me HERE

The Corporate Jungle

Tell Us About Yourself

A very popular question in an interview.  I always make sure that I speak about my eyesight as many people do not understand the albinism eye.  I also do the same when I get to a new company then the respective manager can inform the team.

Reasonable accommodation

It is a legislative requirement that companies should provide reasonable accommodation for people with disabilities to ensure that they work in a comfortable and conducive environment.  I normally need a darker space as too much light blinds my eyes.  Time and again I would have conversations with my friends with albinism to find out if they are reasonably accommodated,  most of them say that it just feels like people with disabilities are recruited for Employment Equity statistics and left in limbo.

New Ways Of Working 

Covid 19 brought about a lot of change within the working environment.  I was moved to a new department because of company changes.  Working from home meant that I would spend long hours on the laptop.  My eyes started reacting to this new change, they became very teary and red which got worse as days went by.  I decided to consult with an ophthalmologist (a specialist doctor above the optometrist) she confirmed that all is caused by spending too much time on the laptop and she prescribed medication to rectify that problem.  

I scheduled a meeting with the manager so I can update her.  The dry answer I got in that meeting was "oh I thought you were normal."  It's years later and I am still trying to make sense of  that comment.  I then applied for a position elsewhere.

The latest obstacle I came across was when I applied to alternate working days between two offices closer to my home as driving to the office was straining because I would spend so much time stuck in traffic which affected my eyes.  The application was declined.

Disability Committee 

I love serving my community with disabilities at the workplace.  I always find myself in this space because people are mistreated and they get scared to talk about it.  I am blessed with a fighting spirit and I try to assist although some issues take time to get resolved.  The common issue is that people with disabilities are normally classed for being good with admin jobs as they get recruited.  This has been a long term fight however I am hopeful that we will rectify this in the future.

My Personal Challenges In The Workplace

1. At points we have meetings where items are displayed on a projector,  having to focus on the projector is a strenuous exercise for my eyes.  At points I just make a decision to rather listen in or read from my laptop if the information was shared before the meeting.
2. Having to work on a computer for a very long time especially on Excel burdens my eyes even when breaks are taken.
3. Being put under pressure to review large documents for inputs, I normally ask for extra time or I use my personal time to ensure that I submit on time.

Gratitude Note 

Thank you so much for taking your time to read. I cannot wait to share further exciting experiences with you.  Please kindly share this post with as many people as you can as it will help me reach out to the world.

Please feel free to contact me HERE

Education System

Special Schools

I went to boarding school for the rest of my schooling days.  This was because my grandmother wanted me to be protected from the community as she and my mother were always being ridiculed for having to prove that I am not white.  

The schools were classified as special schools because they accommodated people with different disabilities.  I went to two schools that catered for blind people.  Because of our low vision, people with albinism are classed under one of the blind categories.

Primary And Secondary School

At these schools, we normally had a small number of pupils so that we get the teachers attention.  Our text books were in large print. In primary we would stand in front of a chalk board for our lessons and in secondary school we had TV monitors in front of us to project as the teacher went through our lessons.

Higher Education 

Most universities have a Disability Centre where they assist people with disabilities with different required assistance.  I submitted my doctors (optometrist) comprehensive eye report.  The learning material was in a large font (paper copies).  For examinations I would be allocated a separate venue with an invigilator so that they could assist if I could not see at points and extra time was allocated to the examination time as the set normal two hours was never sufficient.

Technology Times

This section is from my niece Mapule, she also has albinism and yes we are abundantly blessed with albinism in my family.  This is what she had to say about education in current technology times as she is still in university.

From Mapule:

"Due to the rise of technology and the fact that people became more educated, my school was able accommodate my albinism and short sight condition.  My school co-operated with my optometrist to ensure that I was provided with sufficient tools for my eyesight.  In my primary years of schooling my school provided me with magnifying tools to make it easier to read words and see diagrams.  When I went to high school technology progressed, I was able to write my tests and exams with an electronic reader.  

In my opinion because of the enhanced digital technology, the education system has improved drastically.  I feel like more children with albinism will be able to access the adequate tools they need to further their  education." 

Gratitude Note 

Thank you so much for taking your time to read. I cannot wait to share further exciting experiences with you.  Please kindly share this post with as many people as you can as it will help me reach out to the world.

Please feel free to contact me HERE

The Albinism Eye

Short sight

"Hello Thandi, I was waving at you at reception but you did not respond". Phew you talk so much but you can/t see.  These are some of the remarks I get although I take it upon myself to explain my eyesight challenges.  There is a reason that the font on my phone and laptop is large and at some points I will ask for assistance when the print is very small.  

Medical Terms

I had a brief discussion with my optometrist whom I have been with since 2004 because our eyes needs a doctor who really understands us and that we hardly get proper help in the mass market optometry space because of our low vision.  The following medical terms are explained:

Light Sensitivity: the lack of pigment in the retina and iris mostly makes people with albinism sensitive to bright light and glare.  This explains why I always put on my polarized sun glasses when I am in a sunny area.

Reduced visual acuity: this talks to the clearness of what one sees.  Most people with albinism wear prescription glasses or contact lenses to try and correct the vision.  I prefer a large font on both my cellphone and laptop to make things more visible.

Nystagmus: there is a lot of eye movement, side by side or up and down which makes it a bit difficult to focus on visual details.  Because I am older now my eye activity has slowed down.

Gratitude Note 

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Demistifying albinism myths - Part 2

Walking To Infinity

It is believed that people with albinism do not die, they take a jacket and keep on walking forever to infinity. I think this myth may have existed because in the olden days when a death of a person with albinism occurred, the burial was never spoken about. 

I lost a close friend I regarded as a brother in 2020, we grew up together from primary school and we tried to do a lot of awareness on albinism together. On the day of his burial people went to view his body to verify his death which was heart wrecking for me. At the grave site we had to ensure that they put up concrete and a plant in a tombstone because opportunistic people could dig up his body to harvest his body parts for all wrong uses.

Healing Blood

It is also believed that people can drink the blood of people with albinism to cure many diseases like HIV. This one still shocks me because everybody knows that they should go seek proper medical attention when they are not feeling well.

My Future Wish

These myths are heartbreaking as most of them are centered around the super natural powers an albinism body possess. People with albinism in any race are equally human with the same needs as everybody. My wish is for the discrimination and the wrong beliefs to fade away.

Gratitude Note 

Thank you so much for taking your time to read. I cannot wait to share further exciting experiences with you.  Please kindly share this post with as many people as you can as it will help me reach out to the world.

Please feel free to contact me HERE

Demistifying albinism myths - Part 1

Curses Of Raising A White Child

My mom told me that the people in the community used to say that she was in a relationship with a white man and that our family is cursed or punished by ancestors which explains why she has a white child. Most of the times she found herself defending that point because people did not understand that albinism comes from lack of melanin in our skin, eyes and hair.

Body Parts With Super Powers 

There has been a few recorded killings of people with albinism in South Africa.  This is mostly in the hands of people close to them (some family or partners) because it is believed that our body parts make charms, are potent and can be used in muti (African medicine) for people to be rich and successful. Once a person with albinism is killed, the body parts are sold to a sangoma (witchdoctor) with the belief that they can be used for super powers.  

It is unfortunate that our country's justice system does not follow up on these killing cases.  Other African countries have homes/place of safety for people with albinism to ensure that they are protected against the brutal killings.

In 2018 a lady was killed by her boyfriend and a group of his friends in KwaZulu Natal Province (South Africa). This created a lot of fear and paranoia in me since I am a social person and I love going out. It got to a point that I would literally watch the car that follows me on the road and if I felt that I was followed for too long I would change my route just to be safe.  I ultimately reduced my late afternoon and evening outings.  

Please stay tuned for the other myths HERE to follow in the next blogpost.

Gratitude Note 

Thank you so much for taking your time to read. I cannot wait to share further exciting experiences with you.  Please kindly share this post with as many people as you can as it will help me reach out to the world.

Please feel free to contact me HERE

Understanding albinism

Understanding Albinism

Medical terms explains albinism as an inherited genetic condition that reduces the amount of melanin pigment formed in the skin, hair and eyes. This is why I do not have a brown skin, dark colored eyes and hair but both my parents have brown skin.  I am told that I have grey/blue colored eyes and I love them.

Caring For My Skin And Eyes

I went to a school that accommodated both partially sighted and blind people.  We were taught from a young age to always use/apply sunscreen with SPF 50 or a higher factor as the sun is very harsh to our skin. Adding to sunscreen I grew up wearing long sleeve shirts and a hat when I go to the sun.  I have a vivid memory when I was young I went to the river and laid on the sand the whole day although my mum refused.  In the evening I started getting huge blisters that took more than two weeks to heal.  Since then I knew and understood that I cannot be in the sun for fun.

Most people with albinism have a short eyesight, with my eyes there is a variance, one eye is strong and the other is weak.  I got my prescription spectacles in primary school.  Later on in life I moved to using contact lenses and I always wear my polarized sunglasses which assists with the sun rays.

Gratitude Note 

Thank you so much for taking your time to read. I cannot wait to share further exciting experiences with you.  Please kindly share this post with as many people as you can as it will help me reach out to the world.

Please feel free to contact me HERE