Surviving Emotional Abuse

Mr Perfect 

I went to an annual event in Durban (South Africa) many years ago. It was an opportunity for me to dress up, clear my head and meet new people.  This man approached me, I just told him that let's rather meet up when we are back in Gauteng. Date number one happened and all went pretty well.  

I asked for time as we were arranging my sister's wedding and I wanted to give my sister all the support she needed.  The request was granted however we would talk on the phone and have random dates.  As time progressed we agreed that we are going to give love a try.  This man did everything in a perfect way,  my friends and I were convinced that he is the one.

Crazy Habits  

Two months down the line I started noticing behavioral changes in this man but I tried to convince myself that it's a passing stage all will go back to normal very soon because I was madly in love.  He would accuse me for doing wrong things at work because I dressed up in suits as a Committee Secretary.  I was not allowed to spend time with my family members during weekends, even going to church became challenging.

The stalking habit grew as he would always call to find out where I am and make his way there.  I would leave after telling him where I was just to retaliate and spite him and I would always get a tongue lash for it.

Walking away 

I knew it was time to walk away because he would always insult me and tell me who is going to love me with this albinism of mine, my confidence levels sunk and self doubt stated rising.  I asked one of my police sisters to call him and inform him that the treatment he is giving me can result into an offense.  He insulted her and told her that he is not scared at all.  She gave me feedback and asked me to leave while I still have the chance to leave.

Death threats became a norm. At points he said if he can't have me, then nobody is going to have me. I would normally find him at the main gate of where I lived on random days, with this I decided to move to another town for my safety.

Kindness To Self

We all know how love and respect should feel as human beings in a relationship. If at some point you feel disrespected, unloved and rejected, please gather courage to leave as staying in a toxic relationship may have dire consequences to ones life.  If you are comfortable seek professional help as therapy helped me deal with all that trauma.

Gratitude Note 

Thank you so much for taking your time to read. I cannot wait to share further exciting experiences with you.  Please kindly share this post with as many people as you can as it will help me reach out to the world.

Please feel free to contact me HERE

The Corporate Jungle

Tell Us About Yourself

A very popular question in an interview.  I always make sure that I speak about my eyesight as many people do not understand the albinism eye.  I also do the same when I get to a new company then the respective manager can inform the team.

Reasonable accommodation

It is a legislative requirement that companies should provide reasonable accommodation for people with disabilities to ensure that they work in a comfortable and conducive environment.  I normally need a darker space as too much light blinds my eyes.  Time and again I would have conversations with my friends with albinism to find out if they are reasonably accommodated,  most of them say that it just feels like people with disabilities are recruited for Employment Equity statistics and left in limbo.

New Ways Of Working 

Covid 19 brought about a lot of change within the working environment.  I was moved to a new department because of company changes.  Working from home meant that I would spend long hours on the laptop.  My eyes started reacting to this new change, they became very teary and red which got worse as days went by.  I decided to consult with an ophthalmologist (a specialist doctor above the optometrist) she confirmed that all is caused by spending too much time on the laptop and she prescribed medication to rectify that problem.  

I scheduled a meeting with the manager so I can update her.  The dry answer I got in that meeting was "oh I thought you were normal."  It's years later and I am still trying to make sense of  that comment.  I then applied for a position elsewhere.

The latest obstacle I came across was when I applied to alternate working days between two offices closer to my home as driving to the office was straining because I would spend so much time stuck in traffic which affected my eyes.  The application was declined.

Disability Committee 

I love serving my community with disabilities at the workplace.  I always find myself in this space because people are mistreated and they get scared to talk about it.  I am blessed with a fighting spirit and I try to assist although some issues take time to get resolved.  The common issue is that people with disabilities are normally classed for being good with admin jobs as they get recruited.  This has been a long term fight however I am hopeful that we will rectify this in the future.

My Personal Challenges In The Workplace

1. At points we have meetings where items are displayed on a projector,  having to focus on the projector is a strenuous exercise for my eyes.  At points I just make a decision to rather listen in or read from my laptop if the information was shared before the meeting.
2. Having to work on a computer for a very long time especially on Excel burdens my eyes even when breaks are taken.
3. Being put under pressure to review large documents for inputs, I normally ask for extra time or I use my personal time to ensure that I submit on time.

Gratitude Note 

Thank you so much for taking your time to read. I cannot wait to share further exciting experiences with you.  Please kindly share this post with as many people as you can as it will help me reach out to the world.

Please feel free to contact me HERE